One of the greatest challenges I've faced is understanding my manhood. Growing up in a rural town in the 1990s, I struggled to find my place within the typical male archetypes. I vividly remember lunchtimes at primary school, attempting to join "markers up" (a schoolyard AFL game) and feeling terrified the entire time. Society encoded masculinity strictly at that young age - boys like sport (which I did, just not contact sport); boys are strong; boys are tough; boys don't cry.
In response to not fitting into this narrow definition, I internalised these beliefs and judged myself harshly. This social and cultural conditioning warped me, causing me to hide my true self and carry shame for the parts of myself that didn't align with society's expectations of masculinity. It led me to deeply believe that I wasn't manly enough – that I was somehow wrong, not a real man. Men's spaces didn't feel safe, and my ability to be vulnerable with other men suffered greatly.
Fortunately, I was surrounded by beautiful, gentle, and loving men, including my father. But despite our best efforts, we were all affected by the harsh social and cultural conditioning passed down through generations. We've been scarred by this legacy, despite our attempts to resist it.
The term "toxic masculinity" is often used to describe the harmful attitudes and behaviors associated with this cultural landscape. I prefer to use the term "dysfunctional masculinity" because it reflects how this type of masculinity is shaped by the broader dysfunction of society, affecting both men and women.
I began confronting this dysfunctional self 14 years ago. Over time, I've come to understand the depth of the pain I've carried. It's an ongoing journey – I'm still learning to embrace my masculinity, still learning to be open and vulnerable with other men, still working to see my true self beyond the pain of the past.
All men carry these wounds. We're both victims and perpetrators of what we've inherited. But personal growth isn't fixed. It's fluid, changing through effort, bravery, and a willingness to emerge from the darkness that restricts us. More and more men are stepping into transformative spaces with the intention of healing. Each new generation carries less of the burden of the past, but only if today's men take ownership of their growth.
For the past two years, I've been hosting men's group breathwork sessions, witnessing men consciously engage in cultural change. Now, I'm offering my first men's group breathwork immersive weekend (23-24 March), dedicated to supporting men in awakening to a more holistic masculinity. It's a step towards healing and growth, and I'm grateful for every man who joins me on this journey.